I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
