Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize