I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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