lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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