You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize