is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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