Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
