Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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