I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i may or may not be watching the land before time
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
