Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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