Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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