I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize