Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
