i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
