how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
