Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
