he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
