If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
