you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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