omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am one with the molecules
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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