Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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