dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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