K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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