I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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