I'd wear matching sweaters with you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
