Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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