My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize