what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
