You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
