I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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