I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
