my mouth tastes like poor choices
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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