I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
