i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
