We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize