i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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