why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
