I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Bring me that man meat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
