This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
