You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
