he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
