is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
