I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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