Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
