that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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