I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
