I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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