Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
