and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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