Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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