All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
