i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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