I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
