So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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