Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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