drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
