I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And then he peed in my hair
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