yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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