you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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