you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
