We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
