he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
