Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
