i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
