8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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