420 ftw
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
