You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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