I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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