I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
His nipple licking is glorious
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