hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
