Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
