i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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