you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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