They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
